We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
