I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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