I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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