You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
