Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
