Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
