I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
