There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
