you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
