Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
