Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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