The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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