there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
