No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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