Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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