just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
