Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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