dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The best revenge is premature balding
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
