So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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