I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
