Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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