just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
