you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
