those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
