Already got asked if we're dating
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
