i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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