In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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