I smell stomach acid.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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