What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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