Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
