I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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