You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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