Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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