I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
