note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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