well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think people are normalizing furries
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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