The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
