1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
