Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
