2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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