South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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