Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
