Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
