Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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