Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
