So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
