drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
