Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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