Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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