Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
