Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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