12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
