I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
