Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
