He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
