I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
